In May 2005, I was serving as a Christian pastor in Gainesville, Florida, USA. I met with a young man, and we shared on the topic of faith. Later, we talked by phone. He had been distressed about his religious faith, had been struggling with questions he had no answer to, and, like so many, he did not find encouragement from others to engage his doubts honestly.
Words written after the phone call -
He calls. I have several things to get done, already other unexpected visits have put me behind schedule. Each visit has been a joy, but now is the third.
I listen over the phone. I choose to relax, to give a gift of more time. I, after a while of sharing, hear the relief in his voice. He breathes a relaxing sigh, as though a burden has lifted, while he says, "Brian, I think I see what you meant the first time we talked at the café."
He had sought peace. He was given time and words, to open a way that could help him relax, trust, and know what is distracting him can never be figured out, nor need he have the answers trust does not need to know to thrive - all trust finally needs is Love.
I assure him there are many who claim to have the answers. I reassure him he need not be distracted by such show of certainty, even by those who get uneasy or angry at him, for deep down they are covering up a doubt they must hide from themselves by appearing so certain. He, being a Christian, I remind him he can relax into his loving Jesus, grow in that relationship, and give up trying to understand the Mystery of the Holy.
He begins to see, truly feel, what leads to the peace he had sought, what led him to find safe refuge in our sharing together. He says, "I can see that God brought you to me." He continues, "You are more than a pastor to me, you are a friend." Then, crying and voice breaking, he speaks three precious words, "I love you."
* * *
Could it be your sharing a safe refuge for honesty, totally, is the most precious gift you might share with someone? Many persons have never known such a welcome spaciousness, free of criticism, of judgment.
Grace is unconditioned, so unconditional Presence. Healing arises from the simply-being-heard, for Being is listening through your being-with another.
Being together means a gathering-to arises. All the planning cannot make this happen. This could not occur without your being together already. That you were not apart - no one is - provides the stimulus for this gatheirng-to. Heart-sharing is made a reality in the gathering.
Refuge is not something you provide the other; the refuge arises from something embracing you each in unconditional welcome. Welcome leads to welcome. So "above," so "below." A subtle makes possible the materialization of this sharing. A new creation takes place.
Before you share with the other and they with you, Presence is already present. From something more than you and the other, you together are invited into the inmost sanctuary. And, after you depart from each other, the sanctuary remains: it goes nowhere, even as it did not come from anywhere.
In this communion, while what you say may prove helpful, your embodiment of Presence is the principal catalyst for inspiration and encouragement. Your embodying the subtle invites the subtle in the other to come forth.
The principal content is not words but being. And being is being-with. Presence offers itself as presence-with-presence, even as you offer yourself: one offering. You cannot merely step aside and let this happen: you are included totally in the happening. Nothing is created without your being recreated in the self-offering.
Then, you can speak from Presence, for that is your gift to give. And what you give includes yourself, yet you do not lose yourself.
As the Christian scripture says, "The Word became flesh," you become in the self-offering of self. You become with all the ancestors who have become in this same, single self-offering. You are the Word becoming, continuing all prior becomings. All forthcoming becomings issue forth from you, now, in the meeting presence-with-presence. Love creates love. And one can speak, in response, "I love you," with or without saying anything.
