Sometimes, our religion becomes the 'tangles' we must escape, or we will never flower spiritually; we will never sit with others in the 'clouds.' Sometimes, our flowering spiritually - getting a good taste of the 'clouds' - means we desire to move on. This does not mean the religion failed us; it simply became not enough, like when persons outgrow a relationship with someone.
Our religion gave us a place to begin, and we can be thankful for that, and for those who nurtured us there. Always honor any good in your religious beginnings, and those who loved you there, even if you move from it.
Losing one's religion is not the same as just leaving one's religion. Losing implies it fell away, quickly or slowly. You did not run away. You did not rebel. You did not join some anti-religion fad. You grew beyond its borders; it was a territory too small for your heart to breathe well. Yet, it may be the right place for others. So, beware of moving on and carrying an elitist attitude with you.
And losing one's religion does not mean being against religion or being irreligious. Many who know little about religion boldly scold it, arrogantly, as if all religion is bad. That is foolishness. I, sometimes, think of asking them, "Have you studied all the religions?" That would be a waste of time. Such bad-mouthing has nothing to do with religion itself, all to do with the one blabbering.
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One can be deeply religious, live alone in the mountains, and never be part of a religion or spirituality. One can attend worship every time the sanctuary doors open, still a stranger to the spirit of the Way. Jesus says in the Gospels, for example, "Not everyone who addresses me 'Teacher, Teacher' will enter the Reign of the Skies."
'Reign of the Skies' is alike Han Shan's 'clouds.' Neither refers to local places, such as up above; both pertain to consciousness, here and now.
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I tried for many years to remain in my native religion of Christianity, where I served in varied clergy roles and, for a time, as a Professor of Religion. I worked hard to stay. I even changed denominations, from Southern Baptist to United Methodist, and served as a pastor for twelve years in the latter. Then, I attended another, more progressive denomination for a time.
A shift occurred when I told my spiritual mentor, a deacon in the Episcopal Church, that I was making myself attend worship. She said, "I recommend you not return until you want to." I quit for a time. Then, returned to attending worship meetings.
Finally, I could try no more. Yet, afterward, I have been able to look back on my first years in my home community and rural Baptist church, nestled in a small community in Southeast Georgia, with love and gratitude for the people who were there. All of them have passed on. My family, too, has passed on. I can recall the grace, faith, and wisdom they provided, which serve me well to this day. It took me many more years, after leaving the church, to see they live in me; they are among my spiritual ancestors. Without them, I would not have had the grounding from which to grow into my own way in the Way.
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Just recently and age sixty-five, for the first time I could feel my link with Christianity was over, even though I had not attended a church in many years. This does not mean that religion does not inform my daily life. And I still treasure the Jesus sayings in the Christian Bible. I have no religion now, being most influenced by Buddhism for a number of years, but I practice being religious. And, for me, that has become enough. To be religious, means many things to me, and one is living in wonder and gratitude for the common life that is, at the same time, absolutely beautiful. And one thing I hold dear, taught to me as a child in that rural Baptist church, is there is nothing more precious than to love and be loved, and whatever God is, God is Love. That truth was instrumental, however, in my losing my religion. I could no longer fit the love inside the religion, I could no longer embrace teachings that contradicted that truth.
(C) brian wilcox
*Cold Mountain (Han Shan). The Collected Songs of Cold Mountain. Trans. & Ed. Red Pine. While there was a Han Shan, the collection attributed to him issued from him and, also, poets who followed in his tradition of Chinese hermit poetry.
