You
*Brian K. Wilcox, "With Closed Eyes," February 2018.
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Sunday about noon. Been to worship, first time at a nearby congregation ~ glad to be there. Still, so much did not speak to my heart, but I have come to expect that and open to the Love present. Love always speaks profoundly, if we listen from the right place, regardless of what is said or not. Anyway, worship is not about what I think, or about getting just what I want, like putting in an order at a restaurant. No blame, simply where I am, or am not. So, no problem.
The people and clergyperson were kind, human warmth and Eucharist were what I needed (or wanted, possibly both) most. The clergyperson seemed, unlike many, real, not an unthinking puppet of the institution. I guess the word genuine would fit her, seems so to me, after meeting her and hearing her give a thoughtful message with humble gentleness.
The creed, well, lacked poetic inspiration and claimed verities we really cannot know with the certainty we claim or feign (I let you decide), but we keep saying the words, like that is what we are supposed to do (I may just stop saying them and honor Grace in silent reverence of Truth). I prefer poetry to narrative for conveying some sense of Truth, anyway, poetry is more beautiful, evocative, and truthful than creeds and theology.
Eucharist, well, lovely ~ now, that is poetry in motion! Bicycle ride, afterward, - windy, chilly. Sun amazing, now sitting beside the pond. Sun beautiful, piercing coolness with light and warmth. Trees sway, leaves dance and sing a lovely, wordless song. Now, that is a choir! Here is poetry! The question arises about all the Christian theology (God-ology), as I look over the rippling, dark waters, "Where does one go (not meant geographically) when transcending (not rejecting) all that?" A quiet reply surfaces, from somewhere, "Nowhere." That feels peaceful.
Sitting there, I reflect on "Nowhere." Possibly, only true mystics (I hesitate to use the word) know what "Nowhere" means and how painful it can be not to be able to go back to where one once lived (again, nothing to do with geography), found close fellowship with others, and was inspired with such religious devotion. Certainly, I sense, based on their writings, many of the Christian mystics would have known what that response "Nowhere" means; better, how it is a total Mystery, like a riddle no one can unriddle.
I prefer the can't-unriddle, though possibly my life would have been much easier, if I had preferred the apparent answers. I have oft been seen as the heretic ~ I repent not of such, for love of Truth. I would only pray for Grace to give my life, gladly, if asked to for Truth.
Possibly, the answer I long sought, persons through time and space seek, is no answer. I do not have an answer, I once so full of them, so ready to speak ideas of mystery with certitude. We called it conviction in my little Bible Belt community. St. John of the Cross would have said, and did write, "Nada. Nada." ~ "Nothing. Nothing." Yet, he penned, additionally, "Everything and Nothing." He loved Jesus. I do, too, have since childhood, my first love since a small one. Yes, even when I tried to hide from him for many years. Who is he? Is he a she too? Is he no more he, anyone, except in the Heart of God? I have no answer to give, Love does not ask me for one. The less I have known of him, the more I have been drawn to be known in him.
I am not sure I can love the church again as I once did, but my love for Jesus... ~ well, enough said for now - "Nothing... Nowhere... Amen" is enough for me, for now, and may Grace make it even more so, in Love, by Love My Love.
*Brian K. Wilcox, October 2015; rev. February 2018.
* * * CLOSING BLESSING * * *
Grace and Peace to All
The Sacred in Me bows to the Sacred in You
*Move your cursor over photos for photographer and title.
*Lotus of the Heart is a Work of Brian K. Wilcox. Brian is an interspiriutal Contemplative Chaplain, Writer, and Poet, living in Florida, USA.
