You are not what anyone has ever said you are, says you are, could ever say you are, regardless of how seen to be good or bad. You cannot be spoken - you are. You are an expression of Love, and that cannot be spoken. For one moment, open to the Mystery you are, free of any addition of thought, with no history past or future to come, and see what that is like in this Moment. Then, any thought that arises as to who or how you are, drop it, keep returning to the Truth, you, just you and not you anything good or bad, right or wrong, ought to have or should not have - What is left cannot be named, but can be known.
* * *
I prepared to wash my dearest friend's feet in her home, following Jesus' example of serving his friends by washing their feet. I wanted to do this as a sign of unconditional Love for her. She was receptive.
I was one month from moving several states northward to be with her, but on this last visit prior, I knew our relationship was potentially near ending over some behavior I had made clear I could not accept. She had promised more than once to discontinue this behavior that was detrimental to her physical health. She would not, however, and began hiding her behavior from me. I was prepared to let go of the relationship peacefully, our saying our goodbye in a mature, dignified way, honorable to the time we had shared over the last months.
Near the end of this rite, my friend looked into my eyes. She said, "I'm looking at Love." I did not want to receive this in a personal way, but honoring what she saw only. If there was this Love she was seeing, the Love was only a gift in and through me, not something I myself possessed in any way or needed to feel was mine. Nothing was happening I, or anyone, could claim as one's own.
Later, in the evening and after readdressing one of the differences we had, I left the room where we were talking. I was admitting the relationship was over, at least for then. Before resting some to get ready to leave on the long trip home, a trip of about 18 hours, I was preparing a fruit dish. My dear friend came to the entrance of the room and angrily spoke out in a very loud, harsh tone: "I have one last thing to say to you. You're a selfish ass!" She turned, and walked back to her bedroom and closed the door. I stood stunned, but with no wish to respond.
I hurried up in gathering belongings. I went outside onto the lovely backyard adorned with snow, walked to the wood and prayed and gave the situation to Spirit. I walked back toward the home, stood and prayed for my friend and her two children in the home. I left, stopping on the way out, and praying once more.
* * *
Someone could ask a logical question: "Why did you not get furious back at this person, someone treating you that way, telling you something so ugly?" And: "How were you so peaceful, when you left?" Well, years before, I would have followed this friend and been yelling, defending myself and accusing her. You know that ego-defense aggression, "How dare you...!"
I was able to see compassionately, for I was seeing other than her behavior. No, I did not have good feelings about what was said to me. Yes, I was amazed a person could go so quickly from looking at "seeing Love" to "you're a selfish ass."
I was able to see then, and do now, that the "you're a selfish ass" was not about me, even as the prior affirmation of seeing Love in me was not essentially about me either, not as a person, or personality. This was about the frustration and pain my friend felt; possibly, this was a word spoken to everyone she had ever felt abandoned by, unloved by, ... I do not know. The friend's response to me was from the suffering of her past, the narrative of past failed love, and had little, if anything, to do with what was occurring in that moment between her and me.
Possibly, most, if not all of us, have a pain narrative, and if that comes to the fore, we do not see the person before us whom we are expressing anger toward or are accusing of wronging us. I myself had such a pain narrative, and this, thankfully, was a time I acted consciously and did not allow the past to decide response to my friend in the present. I was able to see through the pain, her pain and my pain, and see with compassion.
* * *
Part of our healing is being quiet and looking with an inward confession, compassionate toward the brokenness, the suffering. We likely will not benefit by picking apart that narrative, trying fully to understand it, but just see it in nonjudgmental awareness. By compassionate seeing of the pain that has led us to hurt others, we can heal and grow to remain conscious in times we would have before acted out in return. In a real sense, we cannot get to this point, only allow Grace, a Grace true to who we truly are, everyone truly is, to work within us through our honesty with and openness to Life.
We would do well to realize no one needs our fixing, but anyone can be blessed, if they are willing to receive, by our loving.
We are not here to fix anyone, and we are not here to fix ourselves. We are here by Love and for Love. Love Heals.
♥ ♥ ♥
Grace and Peace to All
The Sacred in Me bows to the Sacred in You
*Lotus of the Heart is a work of Brian K. Wilcox. Brian presently lives and works as a Hospice Chaplain in Florida, USA.
*Move cursor over photos for photographer and photo name.