You may think, "I must find my real desire." You do not need to find it, for you cannot find it. It finds you, but it is nowhere but here. You cannot escape it. There remains not a slither of space between you and what you most truly desire. Seeing arises. You see, and, then, you know you have been the one being sought. Your real desire has been waiting for you, and you - the real you - has been with it all along. So, stop chasing all you think you want, and what you truly desire will appear.
The late Zen teacher, Shunryu Suzuki, recounts a time at the renowned Buddhist monastery, Eiheiji, in Japan. Kitano Zenji served as the archbishop. Once, when Kitano was young and making a long trip on begging rounds, he reached the top of a mountain pass and took a rest. Through the mist, he could see the town below. He saw he had plenty of time to get there.
Kitano, being a chronic smoker, sat on a stone and took out a cigarette. He looked down the mountain. The view was amazing. It was so incredible to have a puff in the middle of that vista, and especially in the fog! It was so wonderful he stopped smoking then and there.
Suzuki asks us, "How about that? It was so nice that he stopped smoking. He knew what real desire is, what it is exactly."
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Ethics can arise from being told the "right" and the "wrong." Yet, a more natural way is otherwise. Then, there is no idea of a government, a parent, a religion, or a deity imposing rules to which one must comply. This change occurs not externally but internally, which is to say, intimately. We see what we most deeply desire, desire arising from our true nature, our inmost self.
As we grow in the Way, a shift occurs: wisdom arises, which releases us from the legality of law; we are no longer rule-bound. As Augustine of Hippo said, "Love and do what you wish." Or, Kitano could say, "Beauty frees you from 'should' and 'should not.' One moment of the wonderful can lead you to your true desires, and this includes excluding what leads you away from your true desire, from your true self."
See, there is no separation between real self and real desire. There is only realness. So, one is not trying to be something they are not to meet a standard. And, with real desire, a believer in God does not even have to think about pleasing their God. Why? There would be no separation among real self, real desire, and real God. How could there be?
Our spiritual practice leads us to see our most intimate desire and desires related to it. We get an overlay of pretenders. The real desire is more subtle. In time, the subtle becomes obvious. Otherwise, we spend our lives trying to find lasting fulfillment by chasing the pretenders.
With real desire, we relax. Where is the problem? There is not one. The wind blows for it is wind. You live a certain way, for you are you. No problem. The challenge is to see through the pretend self with all its pretend desires. Until we do this, we are eating menus. We are acting like hungry ghosts.
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When my father was nearing the end of his life, in his last weeks, I mentioned to him about a college football game on television. I thought he might enjoy watching it. The team was one of our state teams. To listen to the games on the radio or watch them on television during the football season had always been a Saturday priority in our family. My father replied matter-of-factly, and with some frustration that I had asked the question, "That's not important." I understood immediately.
