19For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
*Colossians 1.19-20, ESV
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Three bullies confronted a little boy. Any one of them could easily have beaten up the boy, and the three together were acting like they were going to do just that as a team. The little boy, being bright, backed off, drew a line in the dirt, backed up a few more steps, and looked into the eyes of the biggest bully. The little guy spoke, "Now, you just step across that line." Confidently, the big bully did it, and the small lad grinned and spoke, "Now, we're both on the same side."
*Zig Ziglar. Courtship After Marriage.
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Reconciliation is a key theme in Christian faith. To reconcile means to make friendly again. Many churches, during Eucharist, have a priest or pastor invite the people to offer each other signs of reconciliation and love. This is to remind the people, and officiant, that in the shadow of the self-giving of the Cross, we too, in the same love, are to be willing to die to our grievances and forgive and be forgiven.
By submitting our willfulness at the Cross, we discontinue our striving for reconciliation by the very means of apartness that keeps us apart. Indeed, only by being willing to surrender the inner attitude of separateness can a Christian rightly go to the Altar of Christ, and partake of His body and blood.
And the Cross reminds us that reconciliation does not begin in any change in the other or changing the other [the other in this writing can refer to one or more as "other"], including reminding of faults, false or true, but of changing ourselves by dying a little more into the Spirit of Christ.
Jesus did not remind those around the Cross of their faults or seek to change them, he simply prayed for His Father to forgive them.
33 And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. 34And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And they cast lots to divide his garments.
*Luke 23.33-34, ESV
Indeed, true love never seeks to change the other, but, rather, seeks so to join with the other that shared togetherness itself is a sacred vessel, a holy space, for both to change. The relationship provides the most effective context and means for the growth in love, for the relationship is an act of practicing loving.
This is why a means to reconciliation that is not congruent with the act of reconciliation blocks reconciliation. A means of reconciliation in agreement with the spirit and action of reconciliation is essential to participate in reconciliation.
There are two energies in the world. One energy is a love seeking to draw persons together, to reconcile, to heal the distance that has created the perception of the other as other, as threat, as foe, as unworthy of befriending and allowing near.
The second energy is a distancing energy. This energy is the opposite of reconciling energy. This energy is not necessarily hate; this energy is a vacuum formed from absence of love, or loving, for love is action.
The absence of the positive expression of the love energy leads to a distortion of the other. In the vacuum fear of the other increases and continues to amplify distortion of the other as another other only and not an other one with me.
Significant it is that I mention to my people "reconciliation" and "love." Truly, only in returning to love can reconciliation occur between us and among us. So, we offer signs of both.
The offering of signs of this reconciliation and love teaches us an important truth about shaping reality. We, as Christians, do not wait to feel love or to have reconciliation in a posture of passivity, we must act the truth we seek in God. The sharing of signs is a means to participate with God in healing separateness and, so, to co-create with God reconciliation.
Every sacred, consecrated relationship is a bond, in some way, that implies a covenant. Covenant has as much to do with inner attitude as outward act. In the so-called story of the Prodigal Son, the Father never broke covenant with his son, even though he could not act it out, for his son had chosen separation, absence, being away from home. The son chose distance, the Father chose closeness and intimacy, fidelity to his fatherness to the son.
Our love may be tested in the very absence of the other. A son leaves home. A daughter refuses to remain in contact. A church member refuses to return to her church. A friend quits calling. A family member will not speak. A wife leaves home. A husband abandons his wife. One parent forsakes the other parent and the children.
The opening tale addresses our getting and being together on the same side. This differs from being apart and on opposite sides. And, at times, our refusal to get on the same side, while trying to effect reconciliation in division, blocks the arising of the innate wish for shared forgiveness and healing.
The very substance of Christian life is relationships. Only in relationships with others do I know Christ, for the other is part of the Body to me. To reconcile to the other, I reconcile to part of Christ, and part of Christ reconciles to me.
What happens when reconciliation as outward act does not occur, despite sincere efforts, prayers, and willingness to participate in the healing of separation? Here, one can recall God lamenting in the Scripture at the infidelity of His people. The prophets speak this message often, as God saying, in different ways, "Just what have I done to warrant this distance between you and me? ..."
Yet, the Cross is where we must take unresolvable separation. We must offer unrequited love, healing unreciprocated, to the bleeding side of Christ. We must take the distance that leaves the self and other apart to Christ, where, in time, all things will be reconciled in love.
Our living without reconciliation with the other may be the means we are to accept for a time or always, that we may share in the Heart of Christ willingly, a Heart bearing, in each moment, the joy of reconciliation and the pain of separation in one act of Grace.
Ultimately, our reconciliation to the Divine and the other is an act of will. This will that surrenders to the energy of distance becomes aligned with grace that brings back together in friendly discourse.
In our culture, we tend to take covenant without due seriousness, for we have desacralized our commitments. Yet, covenant is a sacred state we enter and leave with far-reaching consequences. Reconciliation moves us beyond the other as other, to befriending and healing as one. The duality of who is right or wrong, did this or did that, is transcended, and a new future is created from a new beginning, which is a return to the beginning ~ even as each renewal of our relationship with Christ is a reaffirmation of our baptism.
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Have you ever known the joy of reconciliation? Describe what that was like for you.
Have you ever endured the failure at trying to reconcile? Describe what that was like for you.
Is there someone you need to reconcile with? What can you not do to effect that reconciliation? What can you do to help heal the separation?
What do I mean when I teach that the Spirit of reconciliation helps us transcend the duality of otherness, right and wrong, did do and did not do, so that love enters and heals?
How does the love of God for you provide a practical model for loving the other separated from you? Give guidance on how to cooperate with God in reconciliation with the other?
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*Charitable contributions would be appreciated to assist Brian in the continuance of his work of ministry. For contributions, contact Brian at barukhattah@embarqmail.com .
*Brian's book of mystical love poetry, An Ache for Union: Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major booksellers, or through the Cokesbury on-line store, at www.cokesbury.com .
*Brian K. Wilcox lives with his two beloved dogs, St. Francis and Bandit Ty, in Southwest Florida. He serves the Christ Community United Methodist Church, Punta Gorda, FL. Brian is vowed at Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and inspires others to experience a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused Christianity and renewal of the focus of the Church on addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons, along with empathic relating with other world religions, East and West. Brian has an independent writing, workshop, and retreat ministry, for all spiritual seekers.
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