'A Stream Being A Stream'
Today's Saying: Grace is so close, I often do not see it; Love is so lovely, I sometimes cannot bear it.
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After a fourteen-hour day working with patients, trying to communicate with an angry woman on the phone who saw me as her verbal punching bag - I survived eight minutes of her increasingly hostile tirade-, ministering to a dear woman and her family as she is very close to leaving the body, and trying to correct a simple documentation mistake, with it taking over an hour to fix, I sit exhausted, alone, and sensing tearfulness. It seems the fatigue and days of trying to be strong have opened the door to this speechless, quiet tenderness that has come to robe me in its supple, breathing silence.
I recall words from the Gospel of Jesus. John the Baptist says of Jesus, "He must increase, I decrease" (Gospel of John 3.30). I have often seen how in my being brought low, Life has breathed into me a gentle and caring Presence. In the vale of humility, streams of Living Water have often flowed, filling and surrounding me with refreshment and joy.
I feel this arising now of a calm, palpable sadness, like an old friend who returns to visit from a time and place past. And rarely do I yearn to have anyone near to share these feelings with, but tonight my heart reaches out to no one there - at least, not one seen, no one to touch. Still, I feel the beauty of this soft sadness and the glory of this frail humanness.
I recall the dear patients I visited this day and the joy of being with each one. I remember the words of Jesus to his disciples, who wish him to eat, upon his being filled through sharing time with a woman at a well, "I have food to eat you do not know about. My food is to do the will of the One who sent me ... (Gospel of John 4.32)."
Yes, sadness is here, but more. I am filled with Love, for I have loved this day and been loved. With that, I am content.
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I am reminded, again, alone I am in Love. This tenderness witnesses that truly One loves me. Grace is so close, I often do not see it; Love is so lovely, I sometimes cannot bear it. And tomorrow, if I am still alive and able, I shall be filled with Love again by loving and being loved. Obeying the will of the One completes me, as that One is my completion. When completed, for I cannot complete myself, I become united with the Living Waters that nourishes me.
Such has the Silence taught me, and much more besides that I let remain hidden, unspoken. Some truths are too beautiful to be clothed with words, too holy to be talked about without inner guidance to speak of them.
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*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2021
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on wisdom traditions, predominantly Christian, Buddhist, and Sufi, with extensive notes on the poetry's teachings and imagery.