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LOTUS OF THE HEART
Living in Love beyond Beliefs
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Not getting lost is the Way, and
getting lost is the Way.
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When I was a youth, two friends and I decided to walk in a small creek into the woods and follow it wherever it led. I had viewed the creek many times, for it was on a road near where I lived, but I had no idea where it would lead.
Soon, I experienced for the first time being lost in a wood. The sense of lostness was palpable, a little frightening. Still, we followed the creek, walking in its shallow waters.
After a while of this disorientation, not knowing what direction we were walking, we came upon a clearing. I looked around, at first not knowing where we were. Soon, after seeing a familiar house in the distance, about a half-mile away, I knew where we were.
Now, we were about two miles from my family home. The sense of lostness had passed, with its disorientation and confusion, and that of being found emerged. In less than thirty minutes, we had walked home.
When venturing into the woods, we could have stopped and turned back, retracing our steps along the creek to where we began. Why did we not? We welcomed the adventure and challenge of discovering where we were going. There can be something compelling about being lost.
This creek experience is like the spiritual life. Often, we have no idea where we are or where we are going. Old ideas about religion or spirituality drop by the wayside, inviting confusion, disorientation, and even fear. We look around and see no familiar landscapes.
What do we do? We can retreat to the familiar, or we can keep walking onward. If we do not turn back, we discover new landmarks. Certainly, we experience an adventure the familiar cannot offer us.
A Jesus saying uses an image from agriculture for this onward movement: "No one who places his hand on the plow and looks back is fit for the god-reign." I used to plow with a tractor. I could not plow forward if looking backward. Hence, "not fit" is not some god punishing or excluding. Walking on prepares us for what we walk to. If we stop, we are not prepared for what is yet ahead.
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Walking onward, will life be easier? My experience, after being uprooted from my native culture with its religion and beliefs, has been both easier and not easier. I cannot resolve that apparent contradiction with words, however.
Getting lost is as much a part of the Way as being found; in fact, we cannot find our way without losing our way. Yet, really, we only think we get lost. Lost and found are two sides, so to speak, of the same coin.
And the Way that holds both lost and found in a single embrace entails feeling lost is not being lost, and feeling not lost is not the same as being not lost. In time, if we keep walking, we learn to relax with the Way when we feel lost and when we do not. Both equally belong. Both can be equally invited as a safe space to be.
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Riding the winding river deep into the night,
both banks dissolve in darkness.
Being found by the wonder of the flow,
my way opens of its own.
*John Daido Loori. The True Dharma Eye: Zen Master Dogen's Three Hundred Koans.
Riding the winding river deep into the night
Life will carry us, when we surrender to it, into a bright night. The Way has a momentum in a specific direction. Christian mystics have taught of this bright darkness. This night is deep, for it is beyond our intellectualizing. We can experience it. Knowing it, we experience it directly. While we cannot describe it, we can embody it. This knowing is a wordless, thoughtless knowing.
both banks dissolve in darkness
Buddhism speaks of two banks. The life in samsara, the unwakened life of most people, the wheel of suffering and rebirth. Jesus referred to this as the "world." He said to his students, "You're not of the world, as I'm not of the world." Some people speak of the "other side," referring to a spiritual domain different from the reality of their daily lives in the body.
Yet, this side and that side, which are opposites in thought, do not remain outside of thought. So, Buddhists teach the paradox that when one reaches the other shore, they see there was never a shore to get to. If no shore to get to, no shore to move from. We could say, "It's all River." Still, is the River the Absolute? Or is the River the incarnation, or manifestation, of the Absolute?
In Spirit, one grows to a consciousness whereby one sees, so knows, there is no bank here or there, and there is no river to cross. Yet, one does not see this without trying to reach the other shore. The banks cannot dissolve, unless one begins, though they are relative, with them clearly in view. One cannot just leap into Nirvana, Heaven, the Pure Land, Theosis, ... If one, before growing to seeing beyond duality, does experience the dissolution of the banks - the duality-, it will only be momentary. We can only grow from where we are. A visit, such as in peak experiences and psychedelic trips, does not make a home. Visits can be encouraging, yet they can distract us from the effort and grace needed for becoming the home that is already our home. Also, one can get attached to trying to make these visits happen, and that deters the growth to maturity, which will take many years likely to reach a state of spiritual equanimity.
Being found by the wonder of the flow
Grasping itself negates the possibility of wisdom. In other words, when grasping is present, the view of meditation simply becomes the view of self - or better yet, a selfish view.
*Anyen Rinpoche and Allison Choying Zangmo. The Flowing River of Dharma: Instructions on Parting from the Four Attachments Featuring Sakya, Kagyu, Nyingma, Kadam of Old, and Gelug Teachings.
Strictly speaking, we do not find our way. The Way finds us. To be found, there is something that is not our usual sense of self, our insubstantial self-identity, that does the finding. Our usual sense of self, often called our false self, which is our fleeting sense of I as a person, has no capacity to find itself. That is, the self cannot find the self, for the nature of the self is to keep itself hidden in forgetfulness - and it learns many ways to do this, including those called spiritual or religious. The ego when ego-centric would be glad to be seen as an enlightened buddha, a Christian saint, or a liberated sanyassa, as long as it remains in control and the admiration it receives is for itself alone.
Consequently, all forms of religion or spirituality focused on the self are destined to lead to a point at which the self recognizes its weakness and lack. Its grasping for some spiritual state fails, and that is good news. This recognition is a point for the inbreaking of a liberating grace. If the self keeps trying to save itself, this is no more than like a body trying to become another body by putting on different clothes. Yet, a temptation and ego-trap is this movement to this and that, thinking such changes will be the answer. Seeking becomes a dead-end, for it is a hiding from that we are. That we are is not lost, yet it is overlaid with the forgetfulness that is a trait of the person.
Yet, we are found by the wonder of the flow. Yes, a wonder! The flow is mysterious and evokes awe and gratitude. We feel carried along. By releasing our striving to get somewhere, we experience this act of grace. Spirit manifests as a momentum marked by growth. Evolution of any form is a moving onward toward a more mature, subtler experience of Life experiencing life.
The flow has a forward motion. Hence, the Way is not motionless. The Way manifests as a stillness not still. The flow is the incarnation of the stillness.
In the Christian faith, the timeless, spaceless Word becoming flesh - Jesus, the man in time and space - is an image of this incarnation. Surrendered to the flow, we touch Infinity and space, Eternity and time. We learn about how to live in both. As Jesus said to his students, "You are in the world but not of the world."
my way opens of its own
The Way opens as your way and my way. We walk the Way by fidelity to our particular way.
One sign of release to your way is ease. The way might not always be easy, yet there is a sense of ease. The feeling of spontaneous movement, without undue strain or stress, signifies you are surrendered to the flow. And there is no separation between the Way and your way, both sharing likeness. Your way is the relative expression of the absolute Truth. As a manifestation of the Way, your way opens of its own, for that is its nature.
When a hospice chaplain, GPS was beginning to be widely used. One vivid memory was of driving around, lost in a rural area of North Florida, trying to reach a new patient's home. The GPS kept showing me where the patient's home was located, yet I could find no road in that direction. Finally, I came upon a road that led to the patient's home. The GPS was telling me to drive through the woods, rather than leading me to the road which would lead to the patient's home.
To release to the flow, we accept we have no idea where or how the flow will carry us onward. And there is no spiritual GPS showing us the way. To surrender to the flow, and maybe many times along the way let go, requires faith in the mystery of the flow. The way shows up, sometimes when we least expect it. The more we see how the flow takes care of us, being wiser than what we think we know, the more our trust in the flow grows.
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It's like I keep trying to find the Way, and I fail. What am I to do?
It's like when you keep trying to open a door, but it remains shut tight, defying all your efforts. You give up, prepared to walk away. Then, before you can turn, it opens of itself.
Then, I should relax my efforts and stop seeking?
When it's time to stop seeking, the seeking drops. Exhausting the seeking, the search ends. Non-effort arises from effort.
So, with non-effort, I would not put forth any effort?
In not-doing, doing arises. In non-effort, you learn non-effort, not prior.
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(C) brian wilcox, 2026
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